越学越好

有时候——爸爸常说

Sometimes—Dad kept saying:

“又错？又错？怎么还不会？”

“Wrong again? Wrong again? How can you still not know how?”

“这么容易，怎么还不对？”

“It is this easy—how are you still not getting it right?”

我没有开口，心里早说：

I did not open my mouth; inside, I had already said:

等我变成大人——我不会这样

When I become an adult—I will not be like this.

我越大，怎么越像他？

The older I get, why do I resemble him more?

我说不会这样，今天又这样说

I said I would not be like this; today I speak this way again.

小时候我最怕听见的

What I was most afraid to hear as a child

现在——从我这里说出来

Now—comes out through me.

孩子才错一次

The child only got it wrong once.

我已经说：“你总是这样”

I had already said, “You are always like this.”

一次，怎么变成“总是”？

How does once become “always”?

我说完，自己安静下来

After I finish speaking, I go quiet.

我看着孩子

I look at the child.

怎么听见爸爸？

How do I hear Dad?

他不在这里

He is not here.

说话的人是我

I am the one speaking.

小时候爸爸说，现在我说

When I was little, Dad spoke; now I speak.

人变了，这叫变化吗？

The person changed—is that called change?

说的人变了，说的没有变

The person speaking changed; what was said did not change.

我总说我跟他不同

I always say I am different from him.

今天——哪里不同？

Today—where is the difference?

我越大，怎么越像他？

The older I get, why do I resemble him more?

我说不会这样，今天又这样说

I said I would not be like this; today I speak this way again.

小时候我最怕听见的

What I was most afraid to hear as a child

现在——从我这里说出来

Now—comes out through me.

大人常用“因为爱你”

Adults commonly use “because I love you.”

后面常常跟着“不行”

Behind it, “you cannot do it” often follows.

前面说“爱你”，后面说“不行”

First comes “I love you”; after comes “you cannot do it.”

这样的爱，太常见

This kind of love is too common.

孩子听见什么？只听见“不行”

What does the child hear? Only “you cannot do it.”

我听了好多年

I listened for many years.

今天才听清楚

Only today did I hear it clearly.

现在怕的，不是爸爸

What I am afraid of now is not Dad.

是孩子也怕我

It is that the child is afraid of me too.

我总说“我不会像他”

I always say, “I will not be like him.”

不久，孩子也会这样说

Soon, the child will say the same thing.

爸爸这样对我，我又这样对孩子

Dad treated me this way; I treat the child this way again.

谁变了？谁没有变？

Who changed? Who did not change?

“你怎么又——”

“How could you again—”

我说到一半

I get halfway through.

孩子看着我

The child looks at me.

我也看着他

I look at him too.

这次我说：

This time I say:

“对不起，这次爸爸错了”

“I am sorry. This time Dad was wrong.”

我越大，怎么越像他？

The older I get, why do I resemble him more?

我说不会这样，今天又这样说

I said I would not be like this; today I speak this way again.

小时候我最怕听见的

What I was most afraid to hear as a child

现在——从我这里说出来

Now—comes out through me.

孩子没有说话

The child does not speak.

我说“对不起”

I say, “I am sorry.”

孩子不用变

The child does not need to change.

这次——爸爸变

This time—Dad changes.